Tales of the Infamous iphone Battery

Written in lipstick! JK.

My iphone 6s has been my friend for over three years. Strangely, we rarely use the phone feature, the namesake and driver of the technology. Instead, our time together is spent sending A LOT of texts and a few long emails. We also take amazing pictures and edit them with the camera+ app for my blog. After the election, we were together a ton, poring over article after article about the crazy changes taking place in America, mostly on Facebook from credible news sources. We were really tight, my iphone and me for most of 2017.

Just like any friendship, we got on each other’s nerves a bit. I started getting mad when it kept asking me for permission to update the software. I was usually in the middle of something, so of course I clicked on the option: Not now, later. A response my boys often use with me when I ask them to do the dishes; now I get it. Eventually I’d give in, just like my kids. I’m not sure what I got with the updates except maybe a better selection of emojis.

After awhile, it seemed my iphone bugged me more and more with updates. I was increasingly reluctant to constantly switch up software. I heard the changes drained the battery, driving a stake between friends. And much to my surprise, the software would update in my sleep. My iphone friend was doing some weird stuff. And then low and behold, my selfish iphone friend started sucking up all the juice in the battery.

The drain came on fast, most notably on a trip to Colorado in an area unfamiliar to me. I depended on Google Maps a lot and my iphone pal did not like it one bit. The battery went from 90% to 2% faster than I could inhale a piece of quality chocolate. One minute everything was fine and then WHAM! I was left with nothing. If I ended up dead in a ditch, nobody would know, especially my pissed off iphone. We were not talking to each other AT ALL!

Life!

I learned to carry a battery pack and phone cord with me at all times, sort of an IV for my iphone friend to stay alive. I really didn’t want to break up our friendship, but maybe it was getting old. A new friendship was going to cost $800 so I was even more determined to make the one I had stick.

Then, one day my iphone friend sent me an article from the Washington Post. “Don’t walk, RUN to your nearest Apple Store for a new battery,” was the gist of the message. The software was not trying to break us up; it was the battery all along. In a nutshell, I had to set up a few sessions at the Apple Store to fix our friendship.

I stood in a long line to finally talk to a nice lady with an ipad. She explained it might be the lack of software updates to which I rolled my eyes. Or, the battery might be corrupt because it got wet or something. Really? I don’t take my buddy swimming and I sure as heck won’t shampoo my hair with it either. I can’t even drop it in a puddle because rain is positively scarce in California! To be sure, we scheduled a diagnostic appointment to identify the problem.

My iphone friend and I nursed our relationship along for ten long days. It was the earliest we could see a technician, or in my words a relationship counselor. At that appointment, we confirmed what we already knew: the bad blood between us was indeed, the battery. The iphone display tricked us into thinking we had 100% full charge when really we only had 80%. A new battery was ordered, due in 7-10 days.

After THIRTY days of waiting and trying to keep our friendship alive, we got the call: a battery had arrived with our name on it. We were off the waitlist and ready for a transplant. No appointment necessary, it was a fast procedure.

A day later, I arrived at the Apple Store at ten minutes to ten, hoping to beat the rush. No luck. The line was half a block long. Apparently there were millions of batteries sucking the life out of iphone friendships everywhere. Once we were checked in with the Julie McCoy of Apple Stores, I stood around waiting for another technician/counselor for 20 minutes. While I was killing time, another very nice lady with an ipad approached me.

“We have a class on Apple ID and icloud starting up in a few minutes. It’s free! Would you like to join?” she asked, finger poised to punch in my information.

“Sure, why not.” Maybe I might learn how I could get more from my iphone friendship. Spice things up.

A few minutes into the class, yet another lady with an ipad came up to me to take my iphone pal. She said the “surgery” would take about an hour. I stayed in the class because I was learning things about the Apple ID like how to get my own account and not rely on Hubby’s. I learned the Apple Wallet holds loyalty cards and airplane tickets easily. And then I learned how to store documents on icloud. I live in fear that my laptop will be stolen one day, along with a million stories I’ve written over the years.

I was pretty glad for the class break. The time I waited around for the procedure was so productive and good for our friendship. I felt like I was getting a recharge. No pun intended. Next thing I knew, my buddy was finished. The new battery reunited my iphone friend and me, reinstating our BFF status the way it used to be. We could text or Google Map, endlessly. Facebook didn’t burn out after two cups of morning coffee despite the fact I still read or watched a lot of news bits. Nor was I left stranded on a walk, wondering why my podcast suddenly went dead. Wow, this was just like the old days when I could live in the moment and not worry about suddenly falling off the grid.

I say, getting the battery transplant was worth the wait to salvage a very valuable relationship. All for $29, plus tax and time. Offer good through 2018. You’re welcome Apple

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